After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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