Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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