There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
