He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
