We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
