I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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