did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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