he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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