Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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