dude i'm inner monologue high
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Holy shit dude........stairs
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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