dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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