I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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