sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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