I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
