I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
