I saw his package. It spoke to me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
