Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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