look no pants
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
