I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
