Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
