she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have post one night stand depression
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