woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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