He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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