I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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