pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
