so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
