so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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