I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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