I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
