Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
