so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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