Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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