Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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