I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize