The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
