That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
