I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think your dad took our porno
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
