You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
