wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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