Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
