I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
