I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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