This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
