dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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