i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
