life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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