I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
