I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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