I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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