I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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