Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
