No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
