KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
