Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
