It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
