dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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