I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I forget how to act sober
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
