Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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