Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
