you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
