My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
