it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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