Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize