just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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