worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
