last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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