wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
