Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just want to make out with him forever
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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