worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
