I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize