trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
im six kinds of drunk right now
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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