we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
