just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
