u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
