We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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