nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
