textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
