I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize