is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
