He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
