We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
