She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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