just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
