Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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