It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
