I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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