I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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