I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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