no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
