Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
