I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
