We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
