to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
