WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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