11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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