He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
