She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is Oprah even human
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
