I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
