he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
