Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
