accomplished twins. life is a go
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i think i just lost a toe
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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