i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
