youre lurking in front of me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize