Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
