I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
