Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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