non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize