haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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