Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
