IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
