I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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