Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
