Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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